I have these days where I wake wondering who on earth I think I am  and why I feel I have the right to wander and ask questions of strangers  ...
Initially, waking this morning was gentle and delicious.  The first footsteps  passed by my window, the voices were quiet but later, after I opened the  windows, I heard the cafe owner arrive and roll up her metal door while  talking on the phone ... soon the coffee cups began clanking together in  much the same way as I crash dishes together when forced to be the  housewife at home.
I slept again, only to wake to the laughter of a group of men below  my window.  I imagined them drinking coffee together at the cafe on  their way to work, perhaps doing that everyday, and I enjoyed being there on the edge of their lives.
A craving for onion foccacia lured  me out of my bed and down the  street before I was properly awake  which surely explains my fright on  opening my door and finding a neighbour out there on the stairs.  She  was amused as she greeted me and out of some place unknown to me, I  responded with a good morning greeting in French ... I don’t know  French, not really.
I was able to redeem myself with a ‘grazie’ as she held the outside door open for me.
And so my day had begun.
The onion foccacia still had 30 minutes before it was ready down at  the forno so I chose something else, not wanting the woman who greets me  with a friendly ciao every morning to interupt the baker for English  ... I ate a delicious pie full of ingredients completely unknown to me.
And then I fell into this funk ...  wondering who I thought I was,  coming to Italy without language but packing this desire to capture a  small slice of the life that I find myself living on the edges of.
I began writing but today is the day I’m meant to begin everything  else I came here to do now that everyone has left me alone.  Gert limped  home with a walking stick yesterday ... a cracked bone in his toe.  He  walked into a bed leg in the dark.  He made it safely, picking up the  rental contract for the new house when he reached home.
The internet cafe down in the piazza cocooned me for a while, being  online provided me with a kind of identity ... people who knew me had  written, I could speak their language but I was still frustrated with  this feeling of being small.
Almost midday and not much work done. I left the cafe and broke the  cappuccino rule, ordering one from my favourite cafe too late ... but  okay because I’m a tourist and tourists order cappuccino’s long after  the 10am breakfast tradition here in Italy.
My guide on this is an author I recommend, an Italian called Beppe  Severgnini, columnist for Italy’s largest-circulation daily newspaper,  Corriere della Sera.  He wrote in his book, La Bella Figura,  ‘Consider the humble cappuccino.  After ten o’clock in the morning, it  is unethical, and possibly even unlawful, to order one.  You wouldn’t  have one in the afternoon unless the weather was very cold.  Needless to  say, sipping a cappuccino after a meal is something only non-Italians  do’.
It’s not that I want to try and pass myself off as Italian, it’s only  that I prefer not to stand out as a complete barbarian ... a charge  leveled at me more than once by a 'gentle' Italian friend.  And I have  never quite recovered from the surprise I gave another lovely Italian  friend and the waitress when I ordered cappuccino (once) after a pasta  lunch.  And regretted immensely because there really is a reason for that.
When in doubt, when shyness overtakes me, or I’m nervous and  unconvinced about what I’m doing in life, my impulse seems to be ‘just  do it anyway’.  I mean, I don’t parachute or go deep-sea diving, I don’t  take drugs but going out and talking to strangers without language in a  country not my own ... that’s something else.  I grew up in smalltown  New Zealand and today finds me talking myself into doing what I love  doing most of the time.
So tonight I will photograph apertivo at my favourite cafe here in  the city.  And I stopped in at the farinata shop ... the one  the family  have owned since 1812, and photographed the beautiful food on display  there, surely the best farinata in the city and a place you really  should eat from if you find yourself in Genova.  I will meet Stefano and  Guilia,  Alex  and I have tentative plans and I will surely return to my seat on the  top of the hill at Boccadasse ... these are my plans for the moment.
And just after digging up the courage required,  the universe smiled  down on me for a moment and an old man said, ‘Ciao bella ragazza’.  I  don’t mind he that he was old because he made me smile for a while which  was grand because  I was all out of courage on this day here in La  Superba.