I often feel like I want to think something but I can’t find the language that coincides with the thought, so it remains felt, not thought. Sometimes I feel like I’m thinking in Swedish without knowing Swedish.
Peter Cameron, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You.
Source: Words n Quotes.com
We are all strangers in a strange land, longing for home, but not quite knowing what or where home is. We glimpse it sometimes in our dreams, or as we turn a corner, and suddenly there is a strange, sweet familiarity that vanishes almost as soon as it comes…
Madeleine L’Engle, The Rock That is Higher: Story as Truth
Once upon a time, a tour bus stopped like this ... in Rome.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Kahlil Gibran
I do believe I have finished with the 3 beautiful things posts. It pulled me out of the dark place and allowed me to celebrate some of the beautiful things but it's not really my style ...
Well, there was that and the fact that today was another dark day. But really, dark and grey and wintery. I had to go out in it, twice, so far.
But I fly tomorrow. I love leaving. Always, since I was a small child.
These days it goes like this. The night before, if not sooner, I wonder whatinthehellIamdoing and have some anxiety about all that could go wrong.
The night before, I sleep badly and, these days, the Belgian bloke mocks me a little.
But then I get on the airport bus and voila, some alchemy occurs and I relax.
I reach the airport boarding lounge and enter that state of ohwellIhopeIreachmydestination.Nothingtobedonenow.
I hate leaving, I love leaving. Always. Even on my trike as that very small child. Fearful and yet needing to go.
Jack and Kay have sent photographs of my destination ... that small village somewhere in Italy. I do believe I may post one or two photographs. I'm hoping to photograph at least one good sunset and a sunrise. I'm hoping for fresh air and good espresso. I'm hoping to write and take a few hundred good photographs. I'm hoping to walk far and often. And that I come home so much healthier than I left.
Just all that.
I'm listening to Josh Garrels ... because I've just found him and I love his music, so much!
I had a doctor appointment this morning, at 8.48am. I wondered, later, what drove me to write down such a freakishly incorrect time but on checking the email I realised it was correct. I think it's all about him having a new appointment every 12 minutes.
I was back for a repeat prescription as well as a blood test. I can feel my anemia is all but gone however the blood will tell. I hope it shuts up about me not taking my vitamin D. I was prescribed 4 different pills and potions, I chose to take 2 initially. Maybe I regret this ... maybe I don't.
I do understand any consequences are my fault. Most especially the sadness that comes from being low in vitamin D but I need a change in direction. Sadness helps focus one on the demands that emerge out of 'changing a life'. I'll start with it this week, now that the other 2 appear to have worked. And ummm, it may be that being low vitamin D doesn't really help a soul to make changes...
I did decide I might adore my doctor. It became clear when I explained how one of my health challenges had disappeared during my first 3 days in Italy. He looked up and said, very seriously, 'then you must go to Italy more often'.
'Seriously' but with quite the twinkle in his eye. Probably knowing there's nothing that sounds so good as being able to say, 'Well ... the doctor told me. So I must, mustn't I.'
Today, still searching for a particular Istanbul photograph I'd quite like to post, I found another that I remembered loving. This one was taken inside Dolmabahçe Palace, that fabulous Istanbul palace where Ataturk lived. The place where I learned that I love a particular shade of red ... the one that's like slightly faded raspberries.
The quote below, from Goethe, seemed like more good advice.
And the song ... Beyond the Blue by Josh Garrels, just really worked for me on this cold grey rainy Belgian day.
There was this image ... captured while wandering Istanbul streets. I need to go through the 8,000 photographs I took there on that visit with my beloved Canon 5D MkII.
The quote from Lisa St Aubin ... I'm still considering whether I agree with these words or not. I think I'm an odd traveler sometimes. I love to return to those few places I love and I dream of being there when I'm away from them. New Zealand, Genova ... wondering where I would most like to live.
And this song, from the band Sleeping at Last. I love their name, as I've been an insomniac for days now The song ... I'll Keep You Safe, or perhaps All Through the Night.
Today was one of those really shitty days ...
I never used to write out of them but I will today ... write as I climb out the other side of some serious sad.
I usually go on a reading-jag, or a find a beautiful movie, or listenhard to music.
Tonight I found all this new music to consider. I'll see if it's some to love.
There was Andrew Belle and In My Veins. Laura Marling. Lissie. Olaf Arnalds, Old Skin.
Sometimes I just need to find someplacebeautifulenough and tonight I found hernameismoon.
I found her site perfectlywonderfullybeautiful. And stayed there until I started to feel okay again.
And I had an idea that everyday over the next month I'll post 3 beautiful things found during my day. Perhaps being proactive about beauty is how it should be.
I noted quotes in my journal as I devoured the new website. I loved ... 10 years from now, make sure you can say that you chose your life, you didn't settle for it.
Mandy Hale.
hernameismoon introduced me to awelltraveledwoman who wrote ... you should not have to rip yourself into pieces to keep others whole.
Wise advice I thought, wishing they sometimes taught useful things in school ... rather than all that other stuff that still involves me finding algebra, and other silly things, terrifying.
Georgia O'Keeffe photographs appear, randomly, throughout awelltraveledwoman's website. It seemed like a place I was meant to find too.
Which reminds me ... Annie Lennox was there as I started to climb out of sad. I was searching for an album she put out just before I flew from New Zealand. The sculptor who moved into my cottage on the edge of the harbour told me of it. She did a good thing, introducing me to Annie ...
Did I ever write of this song? I love it so much at the moment ... Ghosts in the Orange Blossom Air!!
Perfect. It is.
Now, to for the roadtrip so I can play it all.